5 Responses To “Why Are You So Quiet?”

If you’re someone who’s quiet, I know for a fact you’ve heard the question, “why are you so quiet?” It’s just an irritating question, and I have spent a lot of my time over-thinking about how to respond to that question. To me, that question is the same as asking why are you a girl, why are you the height you are, or why is your hair that color? The answer is, because that’s who I am. 

After being asked this question relentlessly for 28 years, I have developed some responses that allow me to answer this question in a way that is for me, not for the person who asked. I used to respond to the person that asked by trying to segway into forcing myself to talk more, saying I was just tired even when I wasn’t, or getting uncomfortable and feeling awkward that I wasn’t saying anything. 

These responses are for you, the introvert, to give the real reason you aren’t speaking. It is okay to be quiet, you do not have to turn yourself into somebody that you’re not, and at the end of the day as long as you are content with yourself being a quiet person your responses don’t matter. 

Why is this question important to you? 

I like this question because with the question of “why are you so quiet” its a normalized question, that is honestly just an irrelevant question in my opinion. Asking this question, turns the attention back on who’s asking. Why is what I’m doing relevant to what’s going on. Being quiet doesn’t harm anyone, it isn’t disruptive, and it’s a personal choice to engage in talking or not.

Because being quiet is who I am. 

This answer is useful because it is simply the truth, and the truth is not confusing. It answers the question, and tells the person asking you won’t be changing or adding anything else if you choose not to. You are a quiet person, and being who you are is okay.

My own thoughts are more peaceful than this conversation 

Let’s be real, people talk about some stupid stuff. I’m thoroughly impressed by people that can talk for multiple hours straight, but some of the conversations I overhear are just things I do not care about. If I do not care about a conversation, there is no way I’m wasting my energy to indulge in something that I”m not interested in. This response explains that concept in a way that tells the person asking what’s going on internally is more entertaining and peaceful than the conversation going on. 

I don’t have anything to add to the conversation 

Similarly to the response above, this response goes along with it in a different way. Sometimes not saying anything is so much more useful than adding something to the conversation that doesn’t mean anything. A lot of people will talk just to hear themselves talk, and not having anything to add to the conversation does not mean something is wrong with you. It means that you choose your thoughts and words to verbalize carefully, and that’s perfectly fine. Also, when you don’t speak much when you do decide to speak people listen and know it will be something worth listening to. Add to the conversation, when it makes sense for you. 

I’m enjoying my own silence 

Silence is really a lost art. I love silence, I absolutely love when people aren’t talking, and when things are quiet. But the world we live in is filled with dings, beeps, yapping, tik toks on blast, and a bunch of background noise. It’s really my nightmare honestly, put me in the middle of nowhere by myself and that sounds wonderful.

I have learned to find peace in my internal silence, if the world around me is loud I know I can find peace inside myself. So, with this response you’re letting the asker know that the noise around you is enough, and you’re finding some solace within and will not be adding to the never ending noise that’s already going on in the world. And if you do this and add to the silence, good for you. 

Bonus: Why are you so loud? 

I find it funny that this question above is rude, but asking “why are you so quiet” isn’t, even though I believe it is. At the very least it’s annoying. I used to smile and give a sympathy laugh when people ask that, but not anymore because again it is irritating. Asking why someone is so loud will hopefully give someone an understanding to have your natural state disingenuously questioned. It makes you feel weird, you over-think what you’re doing, and then you try to put yourself into a position to do something you really would rather not do, talk. This question just gives the same energy of the question they are asking you.