5 Things I Did To Decide To Quit Drinking Alcohol
I’m prefacing this blog with the clear, announced absence of judgment. Everyone's on their own path with their own things to face. This is my experience in hopes of providing food for thought and a story of "if I can do it so can you." Written with love and encouragement.
I’ve been alcohol free for 1 year, 2 months and counting. I’m proud of myself and thankful I could do it.
The biggest thing I like to do in the blogs I write is get to the point while inviting a means of connection. Connection gives us reasons to listen, and getting to the point gives us a “how” and “direction” on what to do with that information.
However, when I was drinking I ran from the points and the directions that come with life. I used alcohol as my blanket to avoid myself entirely. Avoiding negative things I should address, avoiding unhealthy behaviors, avoiding celebrating the good parts of myself, and avoided having a good day by crushing it with a blackout. Alcohol never served me, in fact it over served me (aka I overserved myself), and usually led me to dark places.
Tell me if you relate:
Waking up with immense anxiety
Doing things/saying things you would never do sober
Feeling groggy and irritable
Putting yourself in situations that are dangerous
Blacking out
Deep depression
The best thing you can do if you feel like something isn’t working anymore is start asking questions. Which is what I started doing with alcohol. Why am I drinking all the time? Do I have a drinking problem? Who am I without alcohol? Would I be around the same people, doing the same things if there was no alcohol?
Why am I continuously doing something that is doing nothing but harm to me and my body and my soul?
This was the question that made me pause and realize I had to stop drinking if I wanted to get anywhere with my life. (for me personally)
Here’s the journey I went on to cut out alcohol for good:
#1. I questioned what alcohol did for me.
The short answer to what alcohol did for me was nothing good and all bad. I didn’t start drinking alcohol until I was about 19 years old. I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic necessarily, but I did not know my limits to any means and would consistently overdrink.
What alcohol did to me: It was a habit that made me mentally exhausted, unhealthy, and all around unhappy with myself. When I really got into it with myself and pondered what alcohol did for me the answer was absolutely nothing. Did it help me mentally? No. Did it help me spiritually? No. Did it make me feel better? No.
All I really found was that it masked my social anxiety because the bar scene was too much for me (aka I didn’t even like it), made it to where I didn’t have to face my depression because alcohol made me forget, kept me from getting to know myself because getting deep with myself scared me, and kept me very stagnant in terms of my creative side and goals I wanted to reach.
#2. I questioned who I was without alcohol.
It was a depressing moment when I discovered my favorite hobby was going out to drink. Wanna know what else was depressing? How depressed I was when I wasn’t drinking. Sad moment for little me.
Internally I knew there was much more to me outside of drinking, but I had spent a few years avoiding and running from myself. Alcohol was a distraction for me because my inner voice was so hard to listen to, my automatic thoughts were so negative and hateful to myself, I felt no value in my needs or wants, all in all, I felt worthless and useless. And that is heavy and hard to admit, so I avoided it.
Therefore, this question led me to some inner work that I’m still so new to but helps with this self hate I deal with. Here are some things I do now to try to work through these things instead of mask them with alcohol:
Limited belief work
Inner critic work
Writing letters to myself (past, present, and future)
Self compassion work
Inner child work
#3. Alcohol replacement behaviors: this instead of that .
It’s hard for anyone to just quit something cold turkey, strictly because of will power. Discipline takes time to sculpt and it’s even harder if you don’t have some sort of plan.
Here are some replacement behaviors I did in place of alcohol when I stopped drinking.
I still went to rooftop/outdoor bars, restaurants, or concerts, but if I wanted something to drink I would always get a topo chico and I discovered my DEEP love for those little things.
I got more into using food as a celebratory object instead of alcohol. A good meal, topo chico, door dashing dinner in bed, food cooking class, or a good dessert became a solid replacement for me
If I wanted that escape factor I used running for that feeling. I get overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or in my head a lot and alcohol was a relief when I could get out of my head. Running sucks at the start, I will be honest. But if you give it time, as in a few weeks, it can be an addicting reset to a bad day or a bad mood. Endorphins are real, and they’re real better than a hangover.
#4. I met someone who made quitting alcohol worth it .
I will also proudly mention, a huge massive part of me becoming sober was when I met my girlfriend. The saying if they wanted to they would is so true.
When I met her and started having eye opening, deep, interesting, magical conversations I remember thinking very clearly I will not mess this up with alcohol. I didn’t want my past behaviors with alcohol I typically brought into new relationships to infiltrate the beautiful thing we were creating between us. Meeting her was enough for me to quit at the beginning of our relationship.
Ironically, I had manifested my long term partner being alcohol free because eventually alcohol was something I wanted out of my life and future relationship completely. And there she was. :) It just took the right person in front of me, to make the decision to quit something I knew would be my downfall.
If something is important to you, in some way you will do what you can to cut out a bad habit for the health of the relationship and for the health of yourself. I’ll also add I’m not blind to the fact that not everyone can do this, if you can’t do something this big that’s okay because at one point I couldn’t either. The timing is up to you.
Start with cutting something small that doesn’t serve you out of your life to prove to yourself you can. Self trust and discipline will bloom from small acts.
#5. I asked how I could enlighten myself instead of drowning myself.
Letting go of something leaves so much room to fill it with things that work for you.
After understanding alcohol was not good for me personally, I was interested in the latter, and wanted to see how I could enlighten myself moving forward.
I honestly have really just gotten into learning about myself, after over a year of not drinking. Sometimes I get lost in trying to fix myself so often, that I forget the fun part of just enjoying myself.
So, I deliberately learned about what I liked to do, what interested me, and what direction I wanted to go in life. It’s so simple, but when you run from yourself for a long time, running to yourself is not natural. Which is why I’m taking it slow. You don’t get to know another person in a day, and the same goes for learning yourself.
Start with this: What’s 3 things you like to do? And do them with yourself. It’s surprising all the good things you can learn when you spend intentional time with yourself doing what makes your soul happy.
Here’s a list of things I have learned so far:
I really enjoy movement, running and yoga specifically
I love to write, it’s one of my favorite hobbies
I love to read thrillers and fantasy books
I watch short horror films on Youtube with my girlfriend
I want to learn to play the guitar
Going to concerts sober is a more elevated experience than going drunk
I went back to nursing school and I’m a medical copywriter
I’ve decided I’m moving to San Diego next year after I graduate
Being alcohol free has elevated my life in the best way possible. It has taken time for me to be able to say that, because of all of the inner work I faced without the crutch of getting drunk to fall on. Enjoying life naturally, in every moment, without needing anything to make my experience better or easier is a gift I would give myself over and over again because it was taking so much from me.
I gave up alcohol and in return I was given a chance to meet myself.
