This Is My Name Part 2

Part 1:

My name is E. Not my whole name, but the rest is for my eyes only. That’s how people tell you their story. They tell you the main part..the shiny part that looks good on the outside but they tend to skip the details, the dirt, which is what I’m choosing to do with  my name. You may or may not get the rest of it as I give more details. I’ve recently been on a discovery of myself. And the deeper you get to know yourself, the more you find. I’ve found that for some time now I’ve been doing everything I can to get out of my head, but as I’ve chosen to go inside there’s much more going on in there than I’ve ever experienced in the outer world. I’m E, but there’s many parts that live inside of me. I think that’s why people can be so scary and wonderful because there’s a surface, and then there’s universes, different parts, darkness, secrets, epiphanies,  and light all woven into everyone. First, I'll show you the shiny surface, but you have to be invited to know the inner beings. 

Part 2:

Who’s E

E. Who is E? E is a mirror with a dream of revolutionizing into a rock solid stone. E holds in all the parts and is wrapped up like a bow. Her mirror essence was evident when whoever was in front of her was mimicked and matched to make the interaction as surface and safe as possible. Because when you’re made of glass, many things can make you crack so you have to be careful. The only layer E could see was hers and it was smooth sailing for her. She had it made and she had it easy, her path was carved out and handed to her on a silver platter. Change was a stranger to E and predictability was wrapped around her like a blanket. The safer the options the better. She had her whole life lined up, and the longer time went on there was an inverse reaction to time and comfort. A small feeling of “what the fuck” had been planted unbeknownst to E long ago. And time was the thing that was watering that seed until it was a full grown tree waiting to be acknowledged. 

This discomfort was introduced one bright(ish) day, when E looked in the mirror and saw absolutely nothing staring back at her. When you’ve always been a mirror for other people, what exactly is supposed to be staring back? E could feel her physical form but on the outside there was nothing but invisibility staring back. From there E discovered that the mirror had to break, and she would begin to pick up these sharp, tiny pieces and build on to her identity she was creating. 

However, when you’re riding on safety, picking up glass with your bare hands is a bold way to start. As E began, she carefully picked up a piece of glass, and very carefully picked up another, and oh so so carefully picked up another..until inevitably she picked one up that was too big and sharp and cut her finger and began to bleed. Interestingly, what she thought would be crimson red gooshing liquid coming out of her finger was far from what she was seeing with her bright green eyes. What came out from that first cut into self discovery after years of being glass, was one tiny single letter just popped out. 

Validly confused, E picks up the letter and admits she’s disappointed. She’s never bled before and wanted the full experience of the blood and the feelings and, oddly, even the pain. She’s never felt feelings or true pain before. She has simply been a beautiful, shiny mirror on display to whatever life told her to be, and now longed to feel what pain would feel like. Which may just go to show that feeling and emotions are just experiences relative to our life journey. When she began to think about the pain she should feel from this cut, she asked further, “Have I felt joy?” “Have I felt love?” “Have I ever felt sadness or anger”? And after the questions began stringing along, E realized something. She wasn’t alone anymore in her mirror state, someone had joined her. And that was L.