How To Deal With Indecision As An Over-Thinker
Relatability
Making a decision requires a lot of trust. Trust in yourself that the decision is a good one, and trust that the decision can be confidently made. If you lack trust in yourself, it can make being decisive difficult.
When I used to be more indecisive, making any decision was difficult for me. I would undoubtedly question myself and my decision, which would lead my mind to think on overdrive about the choice I made instead of accepting the decision. I would also find myself thinking so much about making a decision, that I would never actually make it because I was thinking about it so much.
When I started really working on myself, I quickly discovered how debilitating my indecision was. The most common answer I’d give to questions was “I’m good either way, you choose, or I don’t care.” I had trouble giving a clear and direct answer of what I wanted. Because knowing what you want means you know and trust yourself, and I did not.
At the time I didn’t know, but I was doing myself a disservice by only thinking about my decisions and making a decision on impulse. What this did for me only led to a lot of over-thinking and making decisions that didn’t align with who I was. Doing just about anything without some type of foundation or structure makes it undeniably more complicated.
When you don’t have a foundation or framework for your decisions it leaves you to make decisions based on other people, your emotions, or an impulsive decision based on the situation in front of you. Your foundation of decisions lets all the choices you make be done in alignment. Even when you’re emotional or being influenced, you can go back to a foundation to make choices that are good for you and good for who you are.
Reflection
Something important I learned was that I was only thinking about the outcome of my decisions, instead of how to lead to a confident decision in the first place. When I started building a foundation of how I wanted to start making decisions, I wanted to frame this foundation of becoming decisive by practicing trusting myself. I knew I did not trust myself because this lack of trust in my decisions is what caused my over thinking.
Building trust with your own self takes time and practice, and that is what I did. I started small, practicing not questioning decisions I would make and making a clear choice without saying I didn’t know. This took time, and was a process but over time I could feel the pull of questioning myself dampen as I was developing that trust.
There’s a lot of clarity in trust, and a clear path to making choices for yourself makes the trust in yourself that much stronger. If you have trust, you have a great foundation for believing in the decisions you do make. But I wanted to take it a step further and create a complete framework for helping me make bigger decisions.
I developed 7 questions to ask myself, if I felt that pull of indecision come over me. It is a more strategic way to make a decision than making it on a whim. I developed these questions in order to cover a lot of bases of being a human. Sometimes when making a decision logic can go against emotions, and I wanted a perspective from multiple areas of life to make a really cohesive decision.
Anyone can utilize these questions or add/take away questions that feel more in tune with you. I will say having something that I created in a calm state, does help when I begin feeling overwhelmed by making a choice.
The framework:
Why do you want what you want and will it make the world better?
What is this question telling me? This question is just touching base with yourself, your needs, and checking the morality of the decision. This is always a good question to check in with first because if any part of this choice invites harm or negativity you can be sure it’s a bad decision.
How has it helped? Figuring out your why will tell you a lot about your decision and what it means to you deep down. This is important for a big decision because you can figure out how it will fit into your life, how it aligns with you, and the impact it will have on you.
Why do I want this decision logically?
What is this question telling me? This question is taking away all feelings, emotions, and over-thinking and is solely looking at the facts of the situation. With my brain only, what are the facts of the decision at hand?
How has it helped? Once I have the facts of what is going on down, it allows me to cognitively look at the pros and cons of this scenario. Does this decision make my life better, easier, or do I grow somehow? If I have determined logical reasons this is a good or bad decision I make note of that and go to the next question because there is more than just logic to a good decision.
Why do I want this emotionally
What is this question telling me? This question is letting me be more in touch with the way this decision makes me feel without the logic input. I think both are important, but I think they also serve two different functions. Logic is telling me what my brain thinks and emotions are telling me what my heart thinks.
How has it helped? Emotions are a deep language for me. I am in tune with my emotions and there’s usually a lot of them. My emotions are information and they can tell me a lot about a decision too. If I find continuous negative, stressful, or low emotions about something it is usually not for me. But if I find peace, calm, and content emotions that is my baseline and therefore, I know it makes me calm. Understanding your emotional baseline and gauging how this decision affects that has helped me use this question.
Why do I want this creatively?
What is this question telling me? This question is telling me how this decision impacts my spark or inspiration. When I use this question with my decisions, I ask if this decision makes me want to share more of myself and express myself freely. I am testing if this decision makes me feel limited or free.
How has it helped? Creativity and self expression are both a good sign of feeling comfortable or inspired. When thinking about this question it has helped me gauge if the decision I’m making makes me feel stagnant or drained, or do I find myself wanting to write more and create more with this decision included in my life. Overall, it will tell you if this decision closes you up as a person or opens you up.
Why do I want this physically?
What is this question telling me? This question tells me if I’m being drained or poured into by this decision. How you’re feeling on the inside will inevitably show on the outside, which can tell you a lot about what direction your decision should go.
How has it helped? Being physical, active, and how my physical being looks as a whole is a good indicator of how I’m feeling internally. You can tell a lot about something by how you’re doing physically. Our body, skin, and demeanor can tell you if you’re in a good state or not. Figuring out your indicator of doing well physically, and then asking if this decision drains or pours into your physical state is important. For me, If I find myself burnt out with this decision that could be an indicator it is a draining one, and if I find myself continuing to be active that tells me the decision fits well into my life as it is.
Why do I want this intuitively?
What is this question telling me? This question tells me what my brain can’t tell me. This question lets me listen to my body and how it feels inside about a decision I’m making. My intuition has grown as I’ve implemented more trust into my life, and sitting with a decision and listening to what your body has to say will tell you a lot.
How has it helped? Our bodies tell us a lot about a decision. This question is an important one because it really has nothing to do with thinking. It’s about listening and feeling. Tightness in our chest and gut means something, and listening to the response our bodies have to something does count for something. Energy blocks and things that may not be for us, have a distinct feeling that lets you know which decision is right. Whereas something that is simply for us leaves us with a feeling of knowing this is right, a calm feeling where we are flowing in all areas of our lives when considering this decision.
Why do I want this motivationally?
What is this question telling me? This question is telling me what my drive is for making this decision. I’ve discovered my “why” in the question above, but what is it in that the decision that will keep me going towards my goals and dreams?
How has it helped? This question tells me if I’ll grow from this decision. Motivationally speaking, I like ambition or growth in a decision and my motivation to be better, do better, and learn more needs to be positively impacted upon making a decision.
Reinvention
In creating a framework, I now have a well rounded way to cover my bases in making a decision. This helps me, because even if I do end up making a decision that wasn’t the best I at least know it was something that I believed in and did align with me. From that, I can learn more about what to do next time. The main thing is taking action with decisions, you cannot make a decision just from thinking about it. I did that for a long time, and it kept me very stagnant making no real changes or gathering learning experiences from mistakes.
Being decisive is a true form of believing in yourself. It tells yourself that you trust that you know what is best, you know who you are, and you know what you want. This keeps the power of who you are in your own hands, and keeps you true to yourself because you aren’t depending on anyone to guide your way except you.
Creating a framework for things that are difficult for you, can help guide you when you’re having trouble. This is a good caveat for asking people for advice that might influence your opinion. You know yourself better than anyone, and having a framework you created in a clear mind to help guide your mind if it may be a little more overwhelmed is just you and yourself working together.
