Doing Things That Feel Human

The world is loud. It is so loud that it often deafens the parts of me that make me human. 

So, as I resign my part in overt business, exceedingly high expectations, and pleasing everything other than myself..I’m accepting the new vision I have in mind. 

As my humanness has been buried by the typical world around me, my other senses have grown stronger. I’m simply human, and I want to do things that make me feel human. 

The prison of working my life away, of depression clouding my days, of drugs and alcohol leaving my soul empty was stripping my energy away as the days passed. 

My body is erupting with the world presumptions that have been stuffed with conformity that I am allowing myself to turn my back to this, and simply experience myself. 

I see the colors and their vivacious distinction. There’s mood in the colors and I immerse myself in what I’m attracted too. The greens of the grass, the blues of the oceans, the yellows in the sunlight are all saying hello to me as I search for what happiness looks like to me. 

I smell the rain as I walk down the sidewalk. It washes away the stench of bad energy, jealousy, and rage. The smells that comfort me, creep into my senses and evoke memories. The smell of a bakery sending me retrospectively to my grandmothers kitchen, the smell of St. Ive’s reminding me of my mother as a child. Smells are cleansing and reflecting. 

I taste the sweet and sour balance of lemon juice on my tongue. It’s a balance that can be knocked off if something is slightly off. Too much salt, the dish is ruined. But just enough can be a perfect addition. Leading me to take steps back sometimes, but diving right in at other occasions. 

I hear the laughter of the people in the world, that tunes out the constant critic that’s in my head, and invites a kinder, gentler audio into my inner dialogue. The birds are chirping, the people are chatting, and the bicycle passes by, reminding my brain that there’s peace in quiet. That it’s okay to just enjoy. 

I feel human. I feel most human when I’m taking in my senses. Anxiety, depression, forward thinking can take you out of a moment in an instant. And that is when I lose myself, when I’m outside of a moment..the absence of grounding sends me to a place where my soul is lost, and I’m frantically living in the past, present, and future. My senses bring me to my present moment where I can feel human.